Joke of the day – Thursday

A man tells his wife that he’s going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it’s closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beers, and the next thing he knows he’s in this girl’s apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he knows,  it’s 3:00 AM.

“Oh my, god, my wife is going to kill me!” he exclaimes. “Quick give me some talcum powder!”

She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. When he gets home his wife is up waiting for him and she’s furious. “Where the hell have you been!”

He says, “Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde and I slept with her.” “Let me see your hands!” she demands. He shows his wife his powdery hands.

” You damn liar, you were out bowling again!”

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Joke of the day – Wednesday

Ten Signs You Had Too Much Fun Last Night

1. You’d rather have a pencil driven through your retina than be exposed to sunlight.

2. Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to “Stay still.”

3. Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as chugging a glass of fresh paint.

4. You’re convinced that the chirping birds are Satan’s pets.

5. You set aside an entire morning to spend some quality time with your toilet.

6. You replaced the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.

7. The bathroom reminds you of a carnival barker shouting, “Step right up and give it whirl!”

8. All day long your motto is, “Never again.”

9. You could purchase a new bike just by recycling the bottles around your bed.

10. Your natural response to “Good morning,” is “Shut up!”